Well, another day down is probably the only real way to sum up today. It was a very long day at work for me and Lindsay went into treatment already tired so you can imagine how she felt afterwards.
I met Linds and Deb for lunch at the treatment center here in town and we enjoyed Moe’s together. There wasn’t as much laughter as yesterday and I could tell in Linds’ posture and responses that she wasn’t quite as playful as yesterday and wasn’t quite as energetic. That’s a difficult thing with treatment. On one hand, you can see and I imagine you can almost feel it working but the tradeoff is one’s energy reserves and overall physical health. I could tell that mentally, Linds was remaining upbeat and doing her best to overcome her physical limitations at the end of a treatment week and when I left she was doing pretty good.
After I got home from work about 3 hours later, though, I could tell she wasn’t feeling the best. I forced her up to our room to lay down and get some rest as I could tell it was needed. After daycare kids left, about an hour later, I went up to lay with her and she still had a little pep in her step, as they say, but she definitely wasn’t “right”. We watch Big Brother on CBS together and we had an episode to catch up on and then there was a live show tonight. Just as we were about to start watching our shows, our dinner showed up from Monical’s (thanks Shannon and Joe) and it was much-needed! Linds perked up a bit after eating but that didn’t last very long. We started to watch the recorded episode and during the course of that episode it was pretty clear she started to feel crappy, physically. She looked pretty tired but held my hand and snuggled up to me for a bit until we got through that episode and the live show started. By the end of the live show she was struggling to stay away or even stay reclining upright in our motorized bed (been a lifesaver for pregnancy sleep, btw!) and within seconds of the show being over she got up and went to the bathroom and returned to bed to setup her pregnancy pillow and laid down for the night. She didn’t say much tonight and her body language and physical exhaustion tears at my heart but I know the best thing I can do for her is offer her comfort, let her know how much I love her and just let her sleep. In rest comes recovery and I’m hoping that recovery, coupled with her transfusion will change her physical condition during this round.
Regardless of how the transfusion helps, Linds is so strong and is always back to her normal self after 2-3 days but those days suck so I’m hoping that this little “pick-me-up” will work wonders. I ask that you pray for that, pray that the transfusion of 2 pints will give Lindsay a quicker turnaround time from this round of chemo and helps get her back on the right track for the remainder of the pregnancy and her treatment. I don’t like those 2-3 recovery days and they have to suck for her as well so let’s hope we can bypass those this round! I prefer to think of these rounds as training sessions that ultimately lead to you beating life’s ugliest opponent, cancer. I take comfort in seeing what one of the most dominant athletes of our time had to say about training.
“I hated every minute of training, but I said, Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.” – Muhammad Ali
If a 6’3″, 236 pound physically dominant athlete that made quick work of almost every opponent put in front of him in his boxing career can admit that training sucks then I feel pretty good about how I feel about Lindsay’s “training”. It sucks.
Some key words here, though. Don’t quit. We’ve all learned if there is one thing Lindsay has shown, it’s that she doesn’t know how to quit, she keeps putting one foot forward, taking it one step and one day at a time. Suffer now. Some may think this is a weird one to point out but any cancer patient or significant other isn’t naive enough to act like suffering won’t happen during this fight. Cancer sucks. Cancer causes suffering on so many levels for so many people but if you remember the first few words, don’t quit!, then you can overcome this suffering. You have to suffer to allow your body to fight its way back and it’s a process for sure but if you can accept it and understand that DESPITE it, you will overcome and win….well that breeds a champion. Live the rest of your life a champion. I had a deep respect for cancer survivors before we started this journey but it has been amplified exponentially. Cancer survivors have fought and won one of the most difficult, painful, stressful and depressing diseases there is and that cannot and will not be taken lightly by me ever again.
Every one of you reading this blog has a struggle in your life right now, I’m sure of it. Whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, socially or any other form of struggle, you can most definitely use these extremely simple bits of advice to overcome adversity. Don’t you ever quit. Understand and accept that all great things never come easily allow the difficulty or suffrage to come but don’t you quit in the face of it. You know why? Well, you see, there is something incredibly, poetically beautiful about the victory you will endure in your relentless fight.
Tonight was a night of some suffrage and much-needed rest but I know one thing, my beautiful wife that is sleeping upstairs with her little white, fluffy ‘guard dog’; yeah, she doesn’t know what quit means. She will never give up or quit during her ‘training’ sessions; she will undoubtedly live the rest of our lives a champion over cancer. My son is one lucky dude, he’s got an amazing mama and I couldn’t be more happy to call her mine.
Keep fighting, God is waiting to make you a champion.