I’m going to keep this pretty short and sweet, as it’s late, the Hawks game about gave me a heart attack 30 times and I’m tired. 🙂
Today was pretty rough, overall. Lindsay had treatment back in Bloomington today again and she text me to let me know they were starting on time today…that almost NEVER happens with all this stuff! So she started about 9:30am or so today and I took her and her Mom lunch around 11am to sit and chat with them. It helps me feel like I’m still involved in her treatments even though it’s only over my lunch hour and I only get maybe 3o minutes with her. It’s hard being at work when she’s at treatment or just away from me in general, during all of this. It makes me feel pretty helpless and uninvolved but we both know and came to the agreement that I have to work as much as I possibly can. Anyway, when she text me today she told me she was pretty tired; more so than usual. We were hoping that food would help the fatigue but it didn’t do much, if anything, for her today. She said that she was going to go home after treatment and try to get some rest as the daycare kids napped, mostly just staying off her feet and turning her brain off to the outside world but it was short-lived as there was cries from upstairs shortly after she sat down. She was eventually able to rest but she needed sleep, not just rest.
As soon as I came home I heard some of the kids awake from nap and went upstairs to get them and then sent her up to bed to get some sleep. Those of you that know Lindsay know that she’s stubborn and has trouble letting other people take charge on something she is usually in control of. Consequently, she was up and down for the remaining 2 hours of her work day despite my orders of sleep. She said that her stomach was now bugging her, not really nauseous, just not right but she knew she wanted to eat. So, after kiddos left for the night we put a dinner in that was brought to us by a friend. The chicken and dumplings was awesome and just what the “doctor” ordered for Linds’ stomach and health. She didn’t get much energy back even after eating and we proceeded to go up to our room to watch a mindless TV show that we both enjoy, Flip or Flop on HGTV…yeah we’re old as crap. 🙂 Truth be told we pretty much exclusively watch HGTV and Food Network, with a few bigger network TV shows sprinkled in and I love it!
She was struggling to keep her eyes awake at the end of the show and I knew that was my queue to head downstairs. I was wanting to spend time with her to make sure I was doing all I could to keep her comfy but she kicked me out and said she wanted to just go to bed so I headed back downstairs to watch the Hawks. Holy cow, that game was intense, huh? 🙂
In all, it was probably the most difficult “side effect” day we’ve had thus far with chemo so your continued prayers, love and support would be awesome! Days like today are difficult for me, personally, because it’s hard to make her smile or laugh if she’s feeling “off” and that is something that is hard for me to accept. We are both hoping that a new day brings a new feeling and she will have a better day tomorrow. After all, that’s all we can do, right? Take it one day at a time and make the best of what we’ve got! I know she’ll wake up and push the restart button tomorrow morning and start over, mentally and physically and that’s all we can do. Thank you all for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers and giving us some positive vibes, days like today are easier when we have amazing support like those we have around us! (Cough*that’s you guys! 🙂 *Cough)
Days like today always remind me very profoundly of a quote I first ran across back in High School from the 6th president of our beautiful United States of America.
“Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which
difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.” – John Quincy Adams
So that’s what the plan is, have patience in our treatment, in our doctors, in each other and most importantly in our faith. Persevere over the treatments, side effect and this ugly disease. We’re on our way to beating this thing and being able to look back and tell an amazing story but todays like today remind us both that, like I said in my first post, it’s OK to not have good days; it’s OK to feel defeated and helpless or mad on some days; it’s OK to feel angry and the unfairness of this battle.
You know what is more important though? Picking your ass up off the floor, dusting yourself off, looking around to see who is right there with you to fight and then comes the most important part; taking that step forward..