Being home from a vacation is always nice in its own way. Coming home from my favorite city to our current reality was very difficult. Yes, it was great being home with our dogs, sleeping in our own bed, and seeing all of the kiddos again, but it didn’t take long for the stresses of being back to set in. Yes, there’s always catching up to do after a trip. We needed to get caught up on laundry and housework and all of our other daily responsibilities, but we also came home to an overwhelming amount of medical bills, phone calls, and work schedules that quickly reminded us we were no longer in paradise. These things in and of themselves are stressful, but the thing I’ve been dreading most since my doctor uttered the work cancer also began this week: my hair has started to fall out.
I know, I know. Being upset about losing my hair seems so petty and trivial considering all that’s going on, but it’s more than that. It’s a constant reminder that this whole thing is real. I’m also a woman who is maybe a little too attached to her hair. My hair has been somewhat of a security blanket for me for many years. It’s something I play with absentmindely, I mess with when I’m nervous or in uncomfortable situations, and I like the option of being able to do many different things with it. My emotions here aren’t just superficial about how it may effect my appearance. My fear is that losing my hair will actually make me look “sick”. I don’t want those looks from people. I don’t want the whispers when we’re out in public. I don’t want to be reminded of this disease every time I brush my hair.
But I get it, in the end it’s just hair. And if the worst side effect I have from all of this is losing hair that will eventually grow back I should just suck it up, right? Right. So last night I sucked it up as much as I could (not quite to the point of being ok shaving it yet) and cut at least six inches off. I haven’t had my hair this short in probably 7 years, so it’s an adjustment and it’s still coming out, but that’s where we are in this journey.
I start my next round of treatment on Monday, so we ask for continued prayers that these medicines are doing their job and that Baby Joey keeps growing and bouncing around in there 🙂 I’ll let Cody get back to his ramblings on here in the next couple of days! 😉