Reality is Hard

Being home from a vacation is always nice in its own way.  Coming home from my favorite city to our current reality was very difficult.  Yes, it was great being home with our dogs, sleeping in our own bed, and seeing all of the kiddos again, but it didn’t take long for the stresses of being back to set in.  Yes, there’s always catching up to do after a trip. We needed to get caught up on laundry and housework and all of our other daily responsibilities, but we also came home to an overwhelming amount of medical bills, phone calls, and work schedules that quickly reminded us we were no longer in paradise. These things in and of themselves are stressful, but the thing I’ve been dreading most since my doctor uttered the work cancer also began this week: my hair has started to fall out.

I know, I know.  Being upset about losing my hair seems so petty and trivial considering all that’s going on, but it’s more than that.  It’s a constant reminder that this whole thing is real. I’m also a woman who is maybe a little too attached to her hair.  My hair has been somewhat of a security blanket for me for many years.  It’s something I play with absentmindely, I mess with when I’m nervous or in uncomfortable situations, and I like the option of being able to do many different things with it.  My emotions here aren’t just superficial about how it may effect my appearance.  My fear is that losing my hair will actually make me look “sick”.  I don’t want those looks from people.  I don’t want the whispers when we’re out in public. I don’t want to be reminded of this disease every time I brush my hair.

But I get it, in the end it’s just hair.  And if the worst side effect I have from all of this is losing hair that will eventually grow back I should just suck it up, right? Right. So last night I sucked it up as much as I could (not quite to the point of being ok shaving it yet) and cut at least six inches off.  I haven’t had my hair this short in probably 7 years, so it’s an adjustment and it’s still coming out, but that’s where we are in this journey.

I start my next round of treatment on Monday, so we ask for continued prayers that these medicines are doing their job and that Baby Joey keeps growing and bouncing around in there 🙂 I’ll let Cody get back to his ramblings on here in the next couple of days! 😉

3 thoughts on “Reality is Hard

  1. Hang in there Lulabird! You will be beautiful no matter if you have long hair, short hair, or no hair! It simply doesn’t matter about your hair because you can’t hide your beauty!!! Love you!!!


  2. God bless you both and your families! You two are such an inspiriation to everyone! We are keeping you all in our daily prayers and in our prayers on my brothers memorial FB page I set up for him. Each week we have well over 200 people in prayer for those who are fighting this fight and we continue to pray for a cure.

    We pray that your good health will return as we pray for a very healthy happy bouncing baby boy! We pray that your relationships will stay strong during this journey as we know the stresses it can cause. We pray that God is with you every minute of every day. We pray for complete healing and we Praise God for having you all in our lives. Thank you for taking the time to share your journey with others. The comfort you two may bring to someone else who is in the battle or to family and/or friends of a loved one who is in this fight cannot be measured. Our thoughts, prayers and love are with you and your families…

    In closing, we ask our Heaveny Father to stand over and protect you, provide His healing touch to you as He is wrapping His loving arms around you, your baby and your family. We ask that He fills your heart with peace, and provides strength, comfort and healing. We ask for His love to surround you and your families and we ask this in His Glorious name as we pray and give praise! AMEN


  3. God bless you and your family and thank you for sharing your journey with others. The comfort you bring to those who are in this fight and/or to family/friends of those who are also on this journey cannot be measured. We continue to keep you in our daily prayers and in our weekly prayer that is on my brother’s memorial page I created for him. There we have over 200 people who pray every week together for those who are fighting and for their families and friends. We continue to pray for a cure so no one will have to suffer again.

    In closing, we ask our Heavenly Father to watch over you, surround you with His angels, wrap you in His loving arms, touch you with His healing hands, provide you and yours with strength, comfort, and healng. We ask that you turn your worries over to Him as we ask for Him to deliver you from sickness and return you (and your baby boy) to good health. All this we ask in His most Glorious name as we pray and give praise…… AMEN!


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